a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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