Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
