Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
