I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
