This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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