Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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