Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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