So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
