So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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