Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
