Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
