That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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