You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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