I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
