He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
