fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just want nice things and good sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
