I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
