Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Enjoy the penises
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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