I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You can't special order awesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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