I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
