New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
