I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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