Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
