Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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