I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
