Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
