Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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