you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
