Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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