Plan B is the new Plan A
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
