now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
