He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
