I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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