I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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