Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
