dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
