he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
