Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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