i think my mom watched the whole time
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
