Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
