Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
