I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
