he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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