Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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