So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
