Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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