____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
