my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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