I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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