there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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