Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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