i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
