my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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