He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
