I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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