Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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